With George A. Romero, it’s always about social critique. “Night of the Living Dead,” released at the closing of the 1960s, examined the horrors of war – specifically the Cold War and Vietnam – and the harsh reality of racism. “Dawn of the Dead” satirized American consumerism. “Day of the Dead” suggested that man’s greatest enemy isn’t a world full of zombies, but his fellow man. “Land of the Dead” explored political divisions between classes in a post-apocalyptic community. “Diary of the Dead,” structured as a documentary, hinted that the camera can be a weapon just as much as it can be a useful tool. Now we have “Survival of the Dead,” a contradiction in terms if ever there was one. What is Romero telling us this time around? The answer, I think, can be found in the following quote: “I like small towns, but small towns give birth to small people.”
 
The small town is Plum Island, located somewhere off the coast of Delaware. The small people of Plum Island are two feuding Irish families, who are divided over the treatment of zombies; the O’Flynns believe that they should be killed (or perhaps it’s re-killed) on the spot, whereas the Muldoons believe that they should be kept “alive” until a cure can be found. Until then, maybe they can be trained to crave meat other than human. Perhaps I’m flawed in that I have trouble believing such an isolated community could exist, especially one that just happens to be populated entirely by the Irish. Regardless, the respective elders of each family, Patrick O’Flynn (Kenneth Walsh) and Seamus Muldoon (Richard Fitzpatrick), are annoyingly stubborn men who go at it like gunslingers that salivate at the word “draw.”
 
Because of his beliefs, Patrick is cast off to the mainland. Flash forward three weeks; we meet four AWOL National Guard soldiers, led by Sergeant “Nicotine” Crockett (Alan van Sprung) and a crafty teenager, who learn of Plum Island through an internet video – filmed by Patrick – and decide to go there. This raises serious logistical questions, since, within the context of a zombie apocalypse, it’s reasonable to assume that there would no longer be people around to keep internet service up and running. Or electricity, for that matter. And yet we see a video playing on a properly working iPhone, which is somehow being charged. We also see brief clips of a late-night talk show, where the host cracks a number of dirty zombie jokes. Ah, so we no longer have functional communities, but we still have comedians working in fully operational television studios. This itself begs the question of who amongst the living still has a sense of humor, what with the zombies eating people up and all.

Apparently, the only one with a sense of humor is Romero, who for “Survival of the Dead” finds all sorts of amusing ways for the characters to kill off zombies. As long as I live, I don’t think I will ever forget the image of Crockett lighting his cigarette from the flaming head of a zombie he shot with a flare gun. Nor will I soon forget the moment a zombie gets a head full of fire extinguisher foam, causing its eyes to pop right out of the sockets. Too bad Romero didn’t make this movie in 3-D – he missed out on the opportunity to have eyeballs fly directly at the audience. Too gimmicky? So is killing a zombie with foam from a fire extinguisher. Watching moments like this, one idly wonders why some zombies are mindless eating machines while others seem capable of more complex activities, such as sitting behind the wheel and hitting the gas pedal or endlessly riding a horse.
 
Most of the zombies are merely shot in the head, which I guess is only fitting since guns play a major role in the plot. I can’t think of a single character that doesn’t hold a gun, point a gun, or shoot a gun at some point, if not because of the zombies, then because of the other living people, since apparently no one can be trusted in this alternate universe. Honestly, this movie would be the perfect endorsement for the NRA.
 
The more I think about “Survival of the Dead,” the more I realize that Romero’s sermonizing had absolutely no affect on me. All I really got out of it was the hilarity of watching zombies die silly deaths, which is problematic since the basic plot is one of gloomy sincerity. Furthermore, there isn’t a single likeable character to be found; this goes double for Patrick and Seamus, which is bad because the tension between them is drastically reduced, pretty much to the point where we no longer care who we think is right and who we think is wrong. Romero has limitless options when it comes to zombie parables, but I’m starting to wonder if they will continue to have the same power they once had. Let’s face it – the genre is tired and unoriginal. He should consider other ideas, at least for the time being.

- Chris Pandolfi

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